Parenting: To spank or not to spank?

Tiger is now at a "asking-for-spanking'" age.

Despite being a lanky 4 year old, he thinks he has to be carried in loving arms. Oh, don't get me started on the whining. Having a little sister had rekindle his inner baby-ness and brat.

I grew up with the cane. *cough-cough child abuse* but it didn't make me love my mom any less than my dad who never believed in any form of punishment.

I'd admit that I have my crazy-lady moments where I just yell on top of my lungs at my 4 year-old. Usually, that happens when I am overloaded with work, tired or PMS, I guess. Hey, only human...

So, last night, Tiger asked for the poker chips. After I gave the box to him, he removed everything and after 5 minutes, he declared, "Not nice, I don't know how to play with this." and moved on to something else. Guess who had to cleanup? Me. I tried inviting him to help, nope. Too busy.

Tiger: I don't know how to clean. You clean for me.

Me: Look you just sort the colours, stack them and place them in the box. It's easy.

Tiger: Went momentarily deaf.

Me: Losing patience. Don't be lazy. Next time, don't play if you cannot clean up.

Tiger: Went into crazy mode. Don't say I am lazy. I no lazy, YOU lazy.

He started scratching me and I just tried to control my temper monster by focusing on the chips. As if my silence was a sign of submission, he walked out, slammed the door close and started kicking the door from outside, hard and repeatedly.

As usual, he went next door to complain about MY behaviour to Grandma. I grabbed my 30 cm plastic ruler and followed him. When I open the door, he was about to come and hit me when he suddenly noticed the weapon in my hands. He started bawling and hid behind his Grandma.

Me: Come here, now. Kicking the door is not acceptable. That kind of attitude is not allowed in the house (address the behaviour, not the kid crap)

Tiger: Waaaaa, waaaa, waaaaa (in full blown cry baby mode)

Me: I am going to give you two choices. Either you come and sit next to me where I am going to beat your hand once or I am going to go there and beat you 20 times. You choose.

Tiger: Thinking face. I don't want. Cannot beat. Nai-nai, cannot beat me.

Me: Then, don't kick the door

Tiger: Next time I no kick...huu huu huu

He didn't come over because he thought I would give in and let him go with a warning.
So, I walked over, ask for his hand and fined him with a swat on his right palm.

Me: Remember, no kicking doors. And I walked out.

Ten minutes later, he peeped into my room and came in for a hug. His way of saying sorry la.

So, yes, I will punish when his attitude is out of line. 
You can run around in public, swing on bars, hop around when we are out, fight with your sister etc (I don't give a fart about what people think) BUT you cannot slam doors, scratch you mother, or break stuff out of anger. Bad attitude will not  be tolerated.

I don't think I will ever spank the way my mom did but I will use the ruler as needed. I can count with one hand the number of times I'd hit him. 

I am not qualified to share my views on Asian upbringing but I don't think 'experts' should dictate they way you bring up your child. You know your child best and mine is a good kid with the occasional meltdown.

Married life: On How to Make It Last

I posted a question on Facebook yesterday, asking for advice on making marriages last. 

And I got a lot of really good responses.

My exact question was:

Question for happily married couples. What are the top three secrets/ways you have to maintain a happy marriage, esp after 10, 20 years?

And I am writing this down so that I can print out a copy for newly weds as a cheapskate wedding gift on my part but a priceless gift for them. What? Win-win also, right?

And NO, my marriage is still rock solid since I am only 22 (ahem) and very bendy in bed. But my excellent slutty skills may only last any 10 years (okay, maybe 5 years), then what? Youth is slipping away as evidenced by the fine lines I see on a daily basis. When I squint, they dance around and form a word, "OLD". My husband is short sighted and not that attentive la, so, I still can cheat a bit, for now. The thing is, why are marriages that have lasted decades falling apart. People? environment? Menopause?

I needed something that will triumph all these petty stuff.

Funnily, petty things are of monumental importance to people with genitalia dangling between their legs, like perky breasts or youth. Men will be men. So, be a good wife and do at least some of the following. It will make you a happier wife, mother and person. You can thank me later. I also accept cash, cheque or money transfers as your token of appreciation.

I didn't make these up, okay. Time proven methods and I just copy-paste. Here goes:

THE LITTLE THINGS THAT MATTER
Respect him and say thank you
Tease each other
Laugh
Think before you speak 
Apologize after you throw a tantrum
Tell him he looks good
Caress his face gently

AT HOME
Never forget to kiss each other in the morning, kiss goodbye and good night (even in front of kids)
Give hugs for no reason
Say how great it is to be with him,
Appreciate little things and tell him, like changing a light bulb (even if he does little else)
Understand and respect each other's private space
Forget the perfectionist in you and let the small things slide (like the freaking toothpaste cap)
 
OUTSIDE
Hold hands
Hang out with your girlfriends and trust him to hang out with his every now and then
Know when to argue and when to let it slide and when to shut up
Have mini vacations, date nights, candlelit dinners, baths 
Make an effort to look hot or at least decent. Men like minimal make up.

FAMILY
Love his family as you would your own
NEVER EVER make him choose between his family or you
Make an effort to be nice to your MIL, even if she is Cruella
Change yourself before asking others to change for you
Never confide marital problems to family members - awkward!
Never put down hubby in front of friends. 
Praise him instead.

IN THE BEDROOM 
Be a slut in bed (okay la, I said that) because if you won't, someone else would gladly do it
Never say no to sex (so easy, this one!)
Talk dirty
Role play
Wear sexy clothes
Common sense la. If you satisfy their needs, there is no need to look else where.
If you are going to play the role of an ikan-bakar (laying down motionless, waiting for hubby to flip you around), sigh, how many nights of that can a man take? We are talking about a lifetime here.
Besides, there is no audience and you are doing it for the man you love.
AND do your Kegels woman. Just do it. At least, while you are driving, at every red light until the light turns green. Prevents incontinence too.


COMMUNICATION
Communicate; if you can't talk about everything, something is wrong.
Don't bring up the past 
Pillow talk, don't bring issues over night.
Or in some cases, let the matter settle and talk when not fired up anymore
NEVER mention the taboo word- DIVORCE
Try not to talk back when he is mad and vice versa. (No argument that way!)

OTHER GOLD NUGGETS
Share their dreams and goals and work towards them together
Don't take everything so seriously. Life is short, make it a happy one.
Remind yourself why you married him in the first place
Understand that kids come and kids will grow up and go. It is about the 2 of you. If you let the years now slip under you because of the children, in the future you'll find a stranger sleeping next to you, and you'll be so set in your own ways, living together will be hell.

 Ah, so good, no?

A weekend in April 2014

Finally, I had a weekend free from work/appointments/ wedding dinner!!! Woohoo!!!

We had a very productive weekend and being busy actually left me feel much better than having a lazy weekend. Sounds weird, no?

On Saturday, I had my favourite roti canai breakfast with hubby. Just the two of us, kira dating lar.

After I dropped hubby off at his office, I picked up the kids and headed off to Children's Library in Puchong. Found it by luck without Waze...woohoo! Finally, putting my photographic memory to good use since I saw the map once.  All those right brain training finally came in handy!
The kids ran around the place like they owned it. SO malu. I quickly chose 5 books and left hastily. A couple of wrong turns later, we got home safely.

At about 2pm, I wanted to go for my pedi but sadly, the place was fully booked. So, I did what any OCD would, I decluttered my closet. It feels great to finally organize my stuff instead of cleaning the children's things ALL THE TIME. I made a little man cave for hubby by moving the massage chair to my side of the bed and laid out his golf putting mat. Poor dude deserves some TLC too for working so hard.

Then, after the kids woke up from their naps, we went outdoors and played ice cream shop followed by some messy play. Mdm Poh Yew said must play with boxes, so we did.

Fighting to be the server

Lost the fight :(

Making slime

Alphabet slime!

At night, it rained cats and dogs, so we stayed in and Dragon girl served papa her signature play-doh ice cream...it was, according to her, "Mmm, mmm, del-cioux"




Sunday morning, hubs woke me up to go to MINES Shopping Center. Yay! Shopping, books!

We lost our way despite using Waze and found Leong Ya restaurant after about 1 hour of driving. Food was decent but not amazing. Then we adjourned to Mines for the boat cruise. Tiger was so, so amazed to be on the boat even though he has seen swans and fishes so many times.

See that balloon? RM6

See that windmill thingy? rm 8...grrrrrr

Boat ride in South Lake

Oh, Tiger's latest ambition now is to drive a boat. Inspired by the boat ride :)

Then, I dumped the kids at Kidz Paradise with Grandma and kakak watching them and headed towards the convention center. Books, oh, books! I was practically dancing my way there. Sadly, the books were rubbish-y and I had a really hard time filling my box. There were so many Miley and HSM books, I felt like vomiting. Will never go on the last day again.

Oh, I erm, also bought a kit of Lepao (like Lasy) blocks otw to the fair =.="
So much for money saving laaaa.
When I turned up 3 hours later, hubby saw the box of Lepao.
I panicked and said, "rm400" then "Oh, fuck. I forgot the rule of marital bliss. Slash everything by 50-70% when reporting to partner"
He shouted said, "So expensive!!!! He won't play one la. Got so many toys...bla...bla...bla"
I was suddenly inflicted with selective deafness and couldn't understand a word he was saying.

The kids slept on the way home and hubs complained about the toll. I must admit it is a lot but WTF, why is he more whiny than me?
No sex for 3 weeks.

That evening, I took out the huge inflatable pool. After 'swimming', we (means maid and I la) bathe the kids, water the plants, washed the cars, floors and wiped all the outdoor furniture. The remainder, we saved into our huge outdoor container. FYI la,  before you start cursing me for wastage.

At night, I was waiting for the two finale episodes of TVB drama, so I made hubby tapao Pizza and we all ate in front of the TV. Then, I reorganized the living room, read to Tiger and before submitting myself for wifely duties...muahahaha.

A great weekend of food, books, play, family and hihi, you know laaaa.
Makes me feel bad that I haven't called my dear parents. Must have lunch with them later.
I love my simple little life.