Friday, 20 December 2013

Secondhand mom

For those who doesn't get secondhand, try preloved/used.

That's what I am when I think of myself as a mom to my daughter.

People told me that by the time the second child rolls out, I will not be doing tot school/activities as before.

I gave them a Pffftttt.

Time to eat my own words.

I really suck at spending time with my girl. I wish there are 36 hours in a day. I wish I pay more attention to her instead of relying on my maid so much. Now, Dragon girl clings to kakak like a leech. Sigh, she is even starting to look a lot like kakak...wtf?

She had been sleeping with the maid for the past weeks. I told myself that I was training her to sleep without me but honestly, I am just too farking lazy to wake up and make her some milk. Too selfish to interrupt my sleep. Too self absorbed.

She was having seriously high fever last night. I fed her medication and sponged her. Blardy forgot to stock up on suppositories. I was farking myself mentally with all sorts of curses, which I cannot repeat here.

I found out that she could say "baby' last night. Found out that she loves Mickey too as we stayed up to watch Disney channel. Found out that she is still my baby who needs me no matter how tough she is, how easy she is to please. The moment her fever settled, she was smiling, laughing, playing peekaboo, bouncing on the bed and using a  pen as a wand. It would have been really funny and cute if it wasn't like 3 AM.

I am going to just cuddle her the whole weekend.

Baby girl, if you are reading this, I am sorry. I will not let our love be second to anything.




2 comments:

Mama Bun said...

Hi Jess,
I felt that way when I had Pineapple Bun (girl) that I wasn't spending enough time with her since i was trying to homeschool Hotdog Bun (boy). I started to do the routine of whenever Hotdog Bun napped and thank god he napped, i would rush over to Pineapple Bun and spend time just reading books, as many as 10 in one sitting. Its hard but even if you miss a day, just know there's always a makeup day tomorrow to give her extra attention.

Jessica Tan said...

Hi Mama Bun,

Thanks for your comforting words. It drives me mad when she refuses me. And she has a knack of doing that in public =.="

People will give me a disgusted look, that translate into. See...another useless maid-relying mom.

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