Sunday, 6 April 2014

Parenting: To spank or not to spank?

Tiger is now at a "asking-for-spanking'" age.

Despite being a lanky 4 year old, he thinks he has to be carried in loving arms. Oh, don't get me started on the whining. Having a little sister had rekindle his inner baby-ness and brat.

I grew up with the cane. *cough-cough child abuse* but it didn't make me love my mom any less than my dad who never believed in any form of punishment.

I'd admit that I have my crazy-lady moments where I just yell on top of my lungs at my 4 year-old. Usually, that happens when I am overloaded with work, tired or PMS, I guess. Hey, only human...

So, last night, Tiger asked for the poker chips. After I gave the box to him, he removed everything and after 5 minutes, he declared, "Not nice, I don't know how to play with this." and moved on to something else. Guess who had to cleanup? Me. I tried inviting him to help, nope. Too busy.

Tiger: I don't know how to clean. You clean for me.

Me: Look you just sort the colours, stack them and place them in the box. It's easy.

Tiger: Went momentarily deaf.

Me: Losing patience. Don't be lazy. Next time, don't play if you cannot clean up.

Tiger: Went into crazy mode. Don't say I am lazy. I no lazy, YOU lazy.

He started scratching me and I just tried to control my temper monster by focusing on the chips. As if my silence was a sign of submission, he walked out, slammed the door close and started kicking the door from outside, hard and repeatedly.

As usual, he went next door to complain about MY behaviour to Grandma. I grabbed my 30 cm plastic ruler and followed him. When I open the door, he was about to come and hit me when he suddenly noticed the weapon in my hands. He started bawling and hid behind his Grandma.

Me: Come here, now. Kicking the door is not acceptable. That kind of attitude is not allowed in the house (address the behaviour, not the kid crap)

Tiger: Waaaaa, waaaa, waaaaa (in full blown cry baby mode)

Me: I am going to give you two choices. Either you come and sit next to me where I am going to beat your hand once or I am going to go there and beat you 20 times. You choose.

Tiger: Thinking face. I don't want. Cannot beat. Nai-nai, cannot beat me.

Me: Then, don't kick the door

Tiger: Next time I no kick...huu huu huu

He didn't come over because he thought I would give in and let him go with a warning.
So, I walked over, ask for his hand and fined him with a swat on his right palm.

Me: Remember, no kicking doors. And I walked out.

Ten minutes later, he peeped into my room and came in for a hug. His way of saying sorry la.

So, yes, I will punish when his attitude is out of line. 
You can run around in public, swing on bars, hop around when we are out, fight with your sister etc (I don't give a fart about what people think) BUT you cannot slam doors, scratch you mother, or break stuff out of anger. Bad attitude will not  be tolerated.

I don't think I will ever spank the way my mom did but I will use the ruler as needed. I can count with one hand the number of times I'd hit him. 

I am not qualified to share my views on Asian upbringing but I don't think 'experts' should dictate they way you bring up your child. You know your child best and mine is a good kid with the occasional meltdown.

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