I posted a question on Facebook yesterday, asking for advice on making marriages last.And I got a lot of really good responses.
My exact question was:
Question for happily married couples. What are the top three secrets/ways you have to maintain a happy marriage, esp after 10, 20 years?
And I am writing this down so that I can print out a copy for newly weds as a cheapskate wedding gift on my part but a priceless gift for them. What? Win-win also, right?
And NO, my marriage is still rock solid since I am only 22 (ahem) and very bendy in bed. But my excellent slutty skills may only last any 10 years (okay, maybe 5 years), then what? Youth is slipping away as evidenced by the fine lines I see on a daily basis. When I squint, they dance around and form a word, "OLD". My husband is short sighted and not that attentive la, so, I still can cheat a bit, for now. The thing is, why are marriages that have lasted decades falling apart. People? environment? Menopause?
I needed something that will triumph all these petty stuff.
Funnily, petty things are of monumental importance to people with genitalia dangling between their legs, like perky breasts or youth. Men will be men. So, be a good wife and do at least some of the following. It will make you a happier wife, mother and person. You can thank me later. I also accept cash, cheque or money transfers as your token of appreciation.
I didn't make these up, okay. Time proven methods and I just copy-paste. Here goes:
THE LITTLE THINGS THAT MATTER
Respect him and say thank you
Tease each other
Think before you speak
Apologize after you throw a tantrum
Tell him he looks good
Caress his face gently
Never forget to kiss each other in the morning, kiss goodbye and good night (even in front of kids)
Give hugs for no reason
Say how great it is to be with him,
Appreciate little things and tell him, like changing a light bulb (even if he does little else)
Understand and respect each other's private space
Forget the perfectionist in you and let the small things slide (like the freaking toothpaste cap)
Hang out with your girlfriends and trust him to hang out with his every now and then
Know when to argue and when to let it slide and when to shut up
Have mini vacations, date nights, candlelit dinners, baths
Make an effort to look hot or at least decent. Men like minimal make up.
Love his family as you would your own
NEVER EVER make him choose between his family or you
Make an effort to be nice to your MIL, even if she is Cruella
Change yourself before asking others to change for you
Never confide marital problems to family members - awkward!
Never put down hubby in front of friends.
Praise him instead.
IN THE BEDROOM
Be a slut in bed (okay la, I said that) because if you won't, someone else would gladly do it
Never say no to sex (so easy, this one!)
Wear sexy clothes
Common sense la. If you satisfy their needs, there is no need to look else where.
If you are going to play the role of an ikan-bakar (laying down motionless, waiting for hubby to flip you around), sigh, how many nights of that can a man take? We are talking about a lifetime here.
Besides, there is no audience and you are doing it for the man you love.
AND do your Kegels woman. Just do it. At least, while you are driving, at every red light until the light turns green. Prevents incontinence too.
Communicate; if you can't talk about everything, something is wrong.
Don't bring up the past
Pillow talk, don't bring issues over night.
Or in some cases, let the matter settle and talk when not fired up anymore
NEVER mention the taboo word- DIVORCE
Try not to talk back when he is mad and vice versa. (No argument that way!)
OTHER GOLD NUGGETS
Share their dreams and goals and work towards them together
Don't take everything so seriously. Life is short, make it a happy one.
Remind yourself why you married him in the first place
Understand that kids come and kids will grow up and go. It is about the 2 of you. If you let the years now slip under you because of the children, in the future you'll find a stranger sleeping next to you, and you'll be so set in your own ways, living together will be hell.
Ah, so good, no?