Thursday, 17 January 2013

Breastfeeding: Boob talk

While shopping for new clothes, I realised that besides getting the
right size, cut, quality, design, price and colour,
my clothes must now fulfil the following criteria:
1. Plenty of space for boob expansion.
2. Easy to pull down/side to reveal either boob.
3. Not too short.
4. Hide fat ass
Mom, you were right. Life is tough.
If boobs could tell a story, it will probably go like this:
B1: Right boob
B2: Left boob
(The names are in no way related to Bananas in Pyjamas)
Once upon a time, way before breastfeeding days,
B1 and B2 were living on the same area but they have never met.
 Then, the geography started to change with the mysterious event known as pregnancy.
Once strangers, B1 and B2 can now 'see' each other.
They started shouting out their greetings across the plain.
B1: Helllooooooo! I can see you now.
B2: excited. Hiiiii!!!
After 9 months of rapid development and growth,
it started to become crowded.
B1: Let's hold our breath and see how big we can go.
Come on, I'll race you.....wahahaha
B2: Pfftt...fine. I bet I'll be engorged first!
B1: Ouch, ouch, ouch....
B2: What a stupid,stupid idea!
B1: Oooi, scoot over. You are in my space.
B2: Wtf? You are getting fatter by the minute. Oh wait, so am I.
B1: Maann, when are we going to stop fluctuating like this?
B2: Don't worry, let me leak a little and embarrass her.
Wahahaha, there...all done.
B1: You are so clever, let me do the same....woohoo!
After several months of breastfeeding, B1 and B2 finally accepted
the fact that they are not here for man to ogle at.
They are not here as decorative things.
They are no sexual objects.
They are mean breastfeeding machines.
Like,  Grrrrrrrrr!!!! kind of mean
Now, they want to be known as Righty and Lefty.
Because B1 and B2 are just so juvenile.
Righty: Is it me or are getting 'longer'?
Lefty: Yes, we both are. Look at the bright side. We can double as storage now.
Righty: What do you mean?
Lefty: Pfft...and you call yourself smart. Look, she can now hide money 'under' us.
Righty: Oooooo
Righty: Hey, are you sleeping?
Lefty: Ermm, no. Why?
Righty: Can you feed the slob next? I am still a little sore
Lefty: But the slob likes you more...
Righty: Hence the soreness *roll eyes*
Lefty: Fine but you owe me, big time.
Righty: Alright. Next time we are out in public, I will sacrifice myself.
Lefty: Thanks man, I am still agoraphobic.
Big Butt: Guys, can you shut up? ##@*  I am trying to get some sleep.
It's tiring trying to be anti gravity all day.
Righty: Yo, watch it man or we are coming to get you!
Left: Yeah, right now we are already at the umbilicus. You just wait! 
No boobs were hurt in the making of this fictional conversation.
B1 and B2 are still well and making lots of milk at blog/post time.

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